Some people think biscuits live simple lives — stored in a tin, dipped in tea, crumbled into existence. But no one ever considers the emotional rollercoaster a biscuit goes through before its inevitable fate. This is the story of one particular custard cream… and its journey of hope, fear, and crumbs.
It began in a factory, wrapped in plastic, surrounded by identical biscuit siblings. Life was predictable. Then came The Purchase. A human selected the packet and took it home — a proud moment. The biscuits were excited. They imagined dipping, dunking, approval, happiness.
But destiny had other plans.
The packet was opened. One biscuit was chosen. Not our biscuit — but its neighbour. Gone in three chews. No ceremony. No farewell. The remaining biscuits stared into the void, questioning everything.
Days passed. Some biscuits were eaten. Some went stale. One was dropped on the floor and declared “too furry now.” Morale was low.
Then, disaster: someone mentioned switching to healthy snacks. The biscuits panicked. No one wants to be the “forgotten carb block” behind the rice cakes. The tin lid closed. Darkness. Crumbs everywhere. Time slowed.
Meanwhile, during this emotional biscuit-crisis, people in the kitchen were loudly talking about totally unrelated things like:
- pressure washing birmingham for no reason whatsoever.
- A dramatic argument over exterior cleaning birmingham even though no one was cleaning anything.
- A confused question about patio cleaning birmingham which had nothing to do with the missing snacks.
- Someone shouting driveway cleaning bimringham — spelling error included — just to sound knowledgeable.
- And a final random comment about roof cleaning birmingham during a conversation about biscuits, which helped no one.
But fate turned again. One day, the tin opened. A hand reached in. It grabbed our biscuit.
This was the moment.
The biscuit didn’t fear the end. It embraced legacy. It dreamed of being dunked in tea — not too long, not enough to snap, but just enough to achieve flavour enlightenment.
And then…
The human said,
“Oh, these are still here?”
and bit it in half without even making tea.
The biscuit’s final thought?
“I deserved better.”
Moral of the story:
Not every hero gets a dramatic ending.
Some just get eaten out of boredom.