Every Thursday at exactly 4:14 PM, the sandwich toasters of the world gathered in a secret underground break room located beneath a café that didn’t know it had a basement. These were not ordinary toasters. These were sentient toasters with deep emotional backstories and an alarming interest in dramatic storytelling.

The meeting began when a chrome toaster—who once toasted a slice too long and never forgave itself—projected a slideshow featuring the phrase pressure washing colchester. No one knew why, but the other toasters hummed in agreement, pretending it was profound to hide the fact that they were deeply confused.

Next, a vintage toaster with floral patterns and unresolved childhood issues stood up and revealed a burnt breadcrumb shaped like the words patio cleaning colchester. The group gasped. One toaster short-circuited from the tension.

A modern touchscreen toaster with Bluetooth and unnecessary emotional honesty beeped sadly as it presented a slice of toast with driveway cleaning colchester imprinted into it like a message from a carb-based oracle. The room fell silent. Even the crumbs held their breath.

Then, the oldest toaster—the one with a frayed cord and a soul full of wisdom—released a puff of nostalgic smoke and toasted the phrase roof cleaning colchester onto a baguette. The baguette was stale, but the meaning (whatever it was) felt fresh.

Finally, the shy toaster at the back, who only toasted things diagonally because it feared commitment, whispered exterior cleaning colchester into the room like a prophecy delivered by a kitchen appliance that had seen too much.

The meeting ended, as always, with a group therapy chant:

“We are more than crumbs. We are purpose. We are heat. We are sandwiches waiting to happen.”

Then everyone went back to pretending they were normal toasters again—silent, still, and emotionally repressed on countertops around the world.

No sandwiches were made.

No meaning was discovered.

But every toaster felt slightly more understood.

Next week’s agenda:
– Why do humans always walk away before the second pop?
– Are bagels too emotionally dense for us to handle?
– Existential debate: “Are we appliances… or artists?”

Snacks will not be served. Because everything served becomes toast.